Welcome to our support page. Here you will be able to connect with other victims in order to provide support and seek advice for any questions that may feel wrong to ask. Please respect all opinions and experiences different to yours as all victims have a different background and sexual violence is a spectrum that can affect anyone of all ages, genders, and races.
One common experience that many have after being targeted for sexual violence is if their experience was warranted or wanted because of how they may have bodily reacted during the abuse. Did I truly want it because of how my body responded?
It’s crucial to remember that you are not alone. Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid. You may feel betrayed by your body or experience a mix of confusing emotions. However, it is important to understand that these bodily responses are involuntary and do NOT signify consent.
Trauma can evoke a range of physiological and emotional responses that are complex, confusing, and it is not always aligned with traditional understandings of consent. The body’s reaction does not reflect a choice or agreement. Consent is active. Consent must be given freely, knowingly, and actively. Bodily responses, in any sort of way, are passive and automatic, which cannot be interpreted as consent.
Our bodies respond to external stimuli and sometimes, this can happen without our permission. Orgasming during rape is not an example nor expression of pleasure, but rather a physical reaction due to constant nerve stimulation. Just as a knee-jerk reflex occurs involuntarily when a doctor taps your knee with a rubber hammer, these responses can happen regardless of us being on board or not. Both are automatic reactions beyond our control.
In addition to such a traumatic experience, our bodies will enable such response in attempt to lessen the pain and reduce the amount of physical injury and trauma below. Just as reflexes are automatic and beyond our control, such physiological responses during trauma are also involuntary. They do not equate to voluntary engagement or consent. Our control over sexual arousal, bodily responses, etc. is the same as our control over our pupil dilation and sweat.
Ways To Cope & Handle These Thoughts
When these thoughts and feelings come up, it can be distressing, triggering, and confusing. There are many ways you can tackle these thoughts, and it’s key to remind yourself you are valid, heard, and not alone in this.
When these thoughts arise, it can be helpful to approach them from a different perspective. If you find yourself invalidating your trauma because of your fear response during the traumatic event, try imagining yourself comforting a younger version of yourself or an older version of yourself, assuring them that their experience was real and valid. Alternatively, if being more blunt works better for you, you can try picturing yourself telling child you, etc. that they didn’t go through such trauma because of how they involuntarily responded.
You might also consider viewing the situation from a third-person perspective, as an outsider, and reflecting on how dismissing the victim’s experience would be unjust given how fear and circumstances can influence a multitude of reactions. These misconceptions about bodily responses can lead to misunderstandings about consent. Education about the nature of these reactions is essential for recognizing the difference between physiological responses and consent.
Another thing that may help you shake out these thoughts is remembering the tickle analogy. When you’re being tickled, many of you, if not all, would laugh in response to being tickled. However, it doesn’t necessarily feel good, nor does it mean you consented and or could control such a reaction. In any given situation, being tickled would involuntarily trigger your laugh.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. Fear can play out in many different ways. Nothing during such a traumatic event is in your control. It can feel betraying, but it’s important to note these responses aren’t always an expression of pleasure. Consent is explicit. No matter how the event played out, if you didn’t explicitly, actively, and continuously consented, it was not consent. You are heard, you are seen, and you are valid.
Keep your head up. You are strong!
“You are a survivor setting the world on fre with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth and raging courage.” – Survivor Voices
Some More Articles to Read If Interested:
- What Science Says About Arousal During Rape – PopScience
- Can Arousal Occur During Rape? A Medical Perspective – Avon Healthcare
Sexual Violence Support 
Leave a comment